Gee Gene

I’ve put off writing about Gene for awhile. I think I would like to say a few things about Gene now.

Gene Haldeman was the first person I ever met in my entire life who I could connect to. Before that, I had friends and I enjoyed their company, but Gene- I could connect to. At the time I just felt like a freak (I was 16)- like the absolute outsider. In later years, I suppose I imagined that Gene and I connected because we were simpatico- that we shared so much in common. Nah. That wasn’t it. We connected because Gene connected with anyone who would let him.

I never meant anyone that was worth anything that didn’t like Gene. Sure, he was off-putting because he didn’t care much about how he was dressed and he had this funny little mustache that he wore even when he was 15- that remained the same for as long as I knew him – roughly a decade. So, the shallow people may have thought he was weird or whatever. The thing is, Gene wasn’t weird at all. He wasn’t. He was just a generally nice, relatively normal guy.

Gene was pretty well read for a teenager. He had read the books on his own that I was supposed to read in school, but didn’t. But, he wasn’t a know-it-all. Not at all. He was a nice guy. I don’t recall ever hearing anything that Gene did that wasn’t nice and considerate- even in the days when we often slipped into inconsiderate. We, and another friend, sang “We’re the boys of the chorus” from a bugs bunny cartoon in three part harmony. Then, we changed the word “boys” to “whales.” I don’t know why. We called his mustache a “pubic hair mustache.”

We were in a lot of plays together in High School- that’s where I met him. We were friends off-stage, but on-stage, we never really clicked.

We went to college together. We did a lot of play together in college. My two biggest events in college theater included Gene. The first was when, for some ridiculous reason, the University faculty allowed me to direct a play as a part of the mainstage season. I think soon afterwards, they decided that having students direct mainstage shows wasn’t a good idea. But before the figured that out, I got to direct Harold Pinter’s The Caretaker. It remains one of my proudest works in my entire life. Truly. It was only any good at all because Gene Haldeman, 20 at the time, played the complex role of Davies- a middle-aged wayfarer. I can’t imagine playing the part now- in my 40’s, but Gene managed to make it work. I don’t know how. I don’t know how good it was- but it was good for a bunch of college kids trying to do The Caretaker.

Also, he was part of the cast of Nathanial, a play I wrote and directed for Edward Albee’s visit to campus. Albee was very kind- and I’m sure the only reason we pulled it off was that we had this kid actor- 22 – who could play middle-aged bitterness. I don’t know- maybe there is such thing as an old heart. Maybe he had one and we all thought that was a joke.

I remember living upstairs from Gene one summer. We would all stay up late and play cards and listen to records and smoke cigarettes and, sometimes, if we could gather a few bucks together, drink very cheap beer.

We gave Gene a lot of shit. We gave him a lot of shit. He acted like he had an old heart and we mocked him because he acted like he had an old heart. That was mean of us. That was just plain mean. Because, I think Gene did have an old heart. But, maybe we've all forgiven each other for that stuff that happens in ones youth.

Gene befriended a friendly loner in Indiana- I think this friend suffered from a serious mental illness. He didn’t seem to do anyone any harm and he wasn’t frightening, but, you know, there was something off. But this friend of Gene’s was a super friendly guy- seriously nice. He has a pet rabbit, collected 16 mm prints of Three Stooges Movies and had a fully stocked bar in his room/parent’s basement. Gene didn’t care that he was crazy, because he was a good soul. The rest of us liked Gene’s friend, but didn’t have the courage to ignore his mental illness. Gene had that courage.

My very good friend Joe told me when Gene died. I remember that as a terrible, terrible day. The very next day, I got fired from my job- the first and only time I’ve ever been fired from a job. I didn’t care. The sadness of Gene’s death took over. It was with me for a long time (even though I hadn’t actually talked to Gene in years). I think it’s still with me.

But I know that I’m a better person for knowing him. So, I’ll cling to that.